What an amazing kickoff week we had… I got an opening dub (of course) and Saw Ross and Bryan fold simultaneously, can’t get much better than that unless shaffman got a stat correction (FUCKKKK).
Here is the first edition of the power rankings:
🅿️ower Rankings
1. Lights, Camera, Jackson (1-0)
This motherfucker has both Tyreek Hill and Brandon Aiyuk…. How does this shit keep happening? He only got 7 points from his QB also… and still put up 190 points… repeat incoming? Propbably not since my balls are huge and my team is coming for that ass.
2. Ziv fouled out Abbo (1-0)
The Abbolievers are being carried by Aaron Jones and CMC, plain and simple. With Kirk Cousins being promoted to starting QB, this team is bound for mediocrity. Nice week 1 for Malik though, hopefully he can get Jeudy back and have some WR depth since Kirk will not get much more points than Aaron Rodgers did in Week 1.
3. ATL Boof Burners (1-0)
Jason was able to squeak out a victory during MNF this week when he gave Ross the peepee (haha fuck u Ross). The autodraft squad was better than the Breadmasters carefully crafted team lmao…. that being said if Jason starts the rapist moving forward, his team is looking pretty decent.
4. Deshaun’s Happy Endings (1-0)
IM BACK MUTHAFUCKASSSSSSSS… IMAGINE NOT BEING UNDEFEATED @BABYCOCK2198 and @TOSS LOLLLLLLLLLLLL…. Anyways, If Gibbs gets more of the snap share on the Lions offense, I will be cooking teams left and right. Drake London better wake tf up too. EZ DUBZZZZZZZZZ
5. MartinHC (1-0)
Good job Martin for picking up the best QB in the league… Nice performance by PrizePicks Ridley also… but that’s pretty much all the positives there are to speak about on this team. With Dobbins GG’ed for the season, the FLEX depth isn’t looking to hot for Mr. PonyCock.
6. Shaffy’s Shooters (1-0)
TUA > Lawrence FYI… Shaffman’s squad ain’t awful but its….. MEH. Bijan Robinson is dope but everyone else is so mid like Shaffman’s SSBU skills (Fuck Ness). Kadarius Toney is already off the blind shooters roster with his butterfingers, so lets see who fills in at the ever-important FLEX spot moving forward.
7. ElJefe2198 (0-1)
PFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT……….. LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL BILLS DEFENSE????????? BC’s team just couldn’t get the job done, with Martin giving him the horse cock. Imagine not being undefeated, couldn’t be me.
8. I Cum Swiftly (0-1)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH this is what happens when you draft 3 WRs in a row LOLOL. Dingdong thought Rachaad White was the answer (In Jimmy Butler voice)😂. “Darren Waller is going to be the entire Giants offense” – Yeah, no wonder he only got 6 points…. Imagine having your kicker outscore your number 2 overall pick LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
9. Pray4Adry (0-1)
Since I like Adrian, I’m gonna go easy on his team 🙂 Overall not a bad squad, I just don’t know see anyone who will carry the load (pause) on a weekly basis. Adry’s RBs are on two of the ugliest offenses in the NFL so I do not expect a high TD count for either Henry or Jacobs, but if I’m wrong then this team will be in the playoffs for sure.
10. Justinthefieldswithherby (0-1)
Herbert is caca lol, imagine thinking he should’ve been drafted over Tua smh. When your kicker is getting -2 points, you know your team is in trouble. Just like I predicted preseason, Pickens and Freiermuth have a blind man passing them the ball so they’re naturally inclined to fail, not their fault Pickett licks balls. And with Rodgers GG’ed for the season, Garrett Wilson’s production will be inconsistent with MILF hunter Zach Wilson at the helm.
11. Trummieee (0-1)
Tua’s Son Josh Allen turned the ball over more than Kirk Cousins lol, dude is straight trash. Somehow the Raiders were able to win, but Javi could not follow in their steps as his DEF had more than all his WRs and TE combined lmaooooooooo. This team is not great in all honesty, I didn’t even know who Kincaid is until I looked at this caca team and I bet you reading this have no idea who he is either.
12. Bris29 (0-1)
^Me last week beating this foofoo ass team. The highest paid player in NFL history put up a whopping 3.18 points against a rapist smh. a nice whole donut from his number 2 receiver is hilarious as well. I could write an essay on how bad this team is but not worth my time.
